he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
