that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
