My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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