You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
