the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
