we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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