Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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