If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
