I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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