thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
