Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
