If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
