Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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