my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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