Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
