Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
