I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
