Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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