Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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