Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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