You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she peed on how many people?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
