Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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