Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
that's an acceptable place to lick
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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