I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
