I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
