My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
