You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
