Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
