It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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