that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
