1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Blow job season was short but glorious.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
