My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
