Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
