She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
