Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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