Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
