This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
