Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think people are normalizing furries
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
