She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
