He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
