I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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