I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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