Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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