Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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