If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
