She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
