Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
