wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
