Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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