yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
