I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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