didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
