wrigley field is MILF paradise
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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